


isshun boushi (it's 9cm!)

by InfinityIllusion



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Chibi Ichigo, Fix It, Gen, Ichigo gets to be a chibi, Kisuke gets future memories, M/M, UraIchi Week 2019, general confusion, i guess, pranks on Aizen, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:18:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18903757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfinityIllusion/pseuds/InfinityIllusion
Summary: Ichigo and Kisuke travel back to patch things up, cause chaos, and maybe rehabilitate a few people along the way.UraIchi Week 2019: Day 1 Time Travel





	isshun boushi (it's 9cm!)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah the plot here is...not really there. Legit most of this is me going: tiny!Ichigo. Tiny!Hollowified!Ichigo! And time travel. Writing this was kinda like pulling teeth because I have way too many WIP ideas for this, but this is the one that got finished (even though I'm still not 100% happy with it).
> 
> Thanks for prank ideas goes to Cyborg, Hector, Hadrian, and shadows on the discourse server. Sorry I didn't manage to get your idea in there, shadows!
> 
> (Also, I'm apparently incapable of writing time travel with Kisuke and not have him get knocked out at least for a bit. Whoops.)

* * *

Urahara Kisuke, contrary to any of his prior wishes and desires, is now a captain of the Gotei 13. He is in charge of a division of people in a way that he is, frankly, unprepared for (he’s pretty sure you can’t treat minions the same way as those in the Maggot’s Nest are), has a resentful, kick-happy fuku-taichou, and would really prefer it if Yoruichi-sama just _hadn’t_.

Unfortunately, the captain’s haori is still on his shoulders, every time he looks over one of them, and every time he glances down, he can see it.  White is not a good color on an assassin, unless they’re hiding or they’re in disguise.

White is death.

Which, really, is a lovely thought to have when he’s just been given a promotion many spend their whole lives aiming for (for reasons Kisuke really doesn’t understand).

It’s also a lovely thought to have when he’s suddenly beamed in the head with what feels like a rock on his way to his labs from being officially instated.  And he hadn’t even heard or sensed it coming.

~IiI~

On the upside, Kisuke does not currently have the record for the shortest-lived captain.  On the downside, it probably looks like he was drinking too heavily and passed out, face first, in the middle of the road. Considering the memory-hangover, that’s not all that far off.

“Ichigo, what the hell?”

“I feel like I should be asking you that, asshole,” came the grumble from near, though thankfully not on top of, Kisuke’s head.

“I’m not the one who got assaulted.”

“You’re indirectly the one who did the assaulting, blame your future self – oh, wait, that’s now you.”

“And yet, you literally falling on me was not how I expected to have my memories transferred,” Kisuke retorted, voice dry.

“Eh, it worked and you’re not unduly injured.  Might have a bit of a headache and a knot on your head – don’t worry, I checked -- and a blow to your rep as a lightweight, but that all can be fixed pretty easily.”

Kisuke would roll his eyes, if he didn’t think that would make things worse.  Having non-restructured eyes is taking a minute to get used to, and, frankly, the slightly disconnect between his expectations and the current reality aren’t helping his headache.  “Thank you, my knight in shining armor.”

“Oh look, you’re sarcastic, you must be feeling better.”

“I’d feel better if you could help me to the labs so I can get cleaned up and we can take stock of what happened.”

“That,” Ichigo said, in that tone of voice that always means Kisuke’s plans are going awry, “is probably not a good idea.”

“Oh?”

“Well, I’m currently stuck in my Hollow form, though I can move the mask somewhat.”

Which is not a reason as to why Ichigo can’t just _shunpo_ or _sonido_ their way to Kisuke’s labs, considering that his speed means few would be able to see them.  Or the underground training area, Ichigo probably knows the way there better than the path to Kisuke’s current labs.

It does occur to Kisuke that he can’t actually sense Ichigo as clearly as he (or, the him in his memories) usually can, but considering Ichigo has just crossed time and possibly dimensions into the past, Ichigo being low on reiatsu isn’t too unreasonable.

“I’m also about 9 centimeters tall right now, and I’m not quite sure I can _shunpo_ the same way carrying you and have it have the same effect as if I were taller.”

“Ah.”  Well, that would be interesting to test at some point. “I suppose I’ll be taking the two of us back to the labs, then, and we can discuss things as I pack up to move.”

Moving.  Yes, that is probably something he should work on doing, if Ichigo can’t help him with it.

“Wait, why’re you moving? Did the butterfly find your labs and break into them or something already?”

Kisuke smiles a little as he slowly pushes himself up.  “Not quite. You just so happened to crash my ascension to captaincy last night.”

“Oh, well, oops?” Ichigo said, well aware that Kisuke had never been particularly happy as a captain.

“I think you just made the night more memorable by your abrupt appearance.”

Ichigo gently poked the back of his head.  “Are you saying that my beaming you in the head was the highlight of the day?”

“I said no such thing.”

Ichigo snorts.

~IiI~

The next day, the 5thdivision is nearly over turned when Aizen-fuku-taichou can’t find his glasses.  His spares, kept in his desk drawer, are broken to the point where the glass portion is granules.  Subsequent attempts to find and otherwise replace the beloved lieutenant’s glasses are met with failure as they break, shatter, and in one memorable occasion, are set on fire.

Ichigo, snickering in the bushes, is very proud of his aim with that bala.

~IiI~

Urahara- _taichou_ becomes known for his wild and varied devices (which he reportedly creates instead of doing his paperwork, although no one can prove it, as the paperwork is always filled out on time, complete with his signature and stamp), for being incredibly happy-go-lucky, but reticent when it comes to actively interacting with the other captains, and for serious antagonism with Aizen- _fuku-taichou_.  To the point of initiating a prank war, albeit one that is terribly one-sided.

Somehow, Aizen isn’t able to sneak into the 12th division’s labs.  The 12th has no such problem with the 5th, for all that their captain (and those minions he trusts, and occasionally their lieutenant, too) tend to target only one member.

“Urahara, why th’ fuck is my _fuku-taichou_ a god’amn _rat_ an’ _still human sized_.”

“Hm?  Oh, hello, Hirako- _taichou_.”

“ _Urahara_.”

“Hirako- _taichou_ , have you ever heard of the legend of _Tesso_?”

Hirako blinked.  “Th’ wha?”

“The story goes that a monk helped an emperor by praying fervently for an heir.  The monk succeeded, but the emperor was prevented from fulfilling his payment for services rendered by a rival monstary.  The monk that had done the emperor a favor contracted an illness and died, so infuriated and bitter, that he stuck around and cursed the child for whom he had prayed so fervently.  And then he ended up a massive rat leading a pack of rats.”

“Ya sayin’ Aizen’s a rat?”

“Well, his story is a little backwards.”

“An’ ya lost me there. Jus’, why’s he _human sized_?”

“The better to fill out paperwork for you!”

Hirako sighs. “A’least yer admittin’ it this time.”

Kisuke beams. Operation: Annoy Aizen to Distraction of All Else is progressing well.

~IiI~

Aizen is not pleased to see that his room has been dyed an eye-searingly bright orange, with large, white moths and butterflies mounted at various points.  He’s even less happy to hear from Tousen that the labs have been destroyed, again, and that there appears to be that same damned symbol of a crowned bull skull, burned into the floor by someone with reiatsu to spare.

It’s only ever found in the labs, else Aizen would be even more suspicious of Urahara Kisuke than he already is.  As it stands, though, the only trace Urahara leaves on his pranks are small, blood red shields.

~IiI~

“Alright, that’s all his new labs that’ve been destroyed, and also here’s blackmail for the last five Central 46 people,” Ichigo said as he landed on the table Kisuke’s currently slumped over.  Planning pranks, plotting, inventing, and ensuring that the political machinations against certain people, including the entire Shiba clan, don’t occur is exhausting. Add to the various attempts he’s covertly been making to return Ichigo to his normal size, and Kisuke is probably building a sleep deficit that he’s going to regret in the near future.

“Excellent.  Thank you, Ichigo.”

“Yeah, yeah.  Also, you just need to sign the newest batch of paperwork Hiyori left for you.  I’m kind of looking forward to her face when she hears you’re not actually doing your work.”

Kisuke chuckled.  “My shins may never be the same.”

“The upsides to being 9 cm tall.”  Ichigo is far too amused by this.

He sobered quickly, though. “So when’re we telling Shinji and the rest of them?”

Kisuke sighed.  “Hirako is suspicious as always, although considering the prank war against Aizen, he’s mostly amused, although still confused as to how Aizen made me angry.”

“He’s a smirky prick with no concept of consent for experiments and a burgeoning god-complex?”

“Well, yes.  But a useful smirky prick with a burgeoning god-complex.”

“Eh,” Ichigo shrugs. “We’ll fix him.  But potential Vizards first.”

“Potential Vizards first.”

~IiI~

Explaining to a bunch of captains and lieutenants that they were once forcibly hybridized by one of their own is not a conversation that goes well.

At least they’re sworn to secrecy, and Kisuke is, if not portraying himself as completely harmless, less of an easy scapegoat, this time.

~IiI~

Aizen stumbles as he rams his hip into his desk, stubs his toes multiple times on his way into and out of the office, knocks over a number of different stacks of paper and hates Urahara Kisuke with a burning passion.

The red, wooden shield winks at him from above his doorway.

~IiI~

Thirty-seven years after said forced hybridization occurred in one timeline, it happens again.

(“How did we miss checking Heuco Mundo?” Ichigo asked, bashing his head against a wall repeatedly.

“Lack of sleep,” Kisuke suggested, before returning to stabilizing the former captains and lieutenants as much as possible.

Ichigo helps, cursing the entire time.)

The only upside is that they’ve been preparing for this eventuality since Kisuke attempted to warn them of their potential (and now current) forced hybridization.

The difference 37 years makes is greater funds and preparedness for the Human World, and Yoruichi-sama remaining with the Gotei 13.

The difference over a 137 years makes is that Kisuke knows how much he can stabilize on his own and with Tessai-san’s help, even with the equipment he’s had gathering dust in the human world for years.

The difference Ichigo makes is the Vizard have a teacher.

~IiI~

(Telling Tessai-san about the time travel and the memories had been an interesting conversation.  The future hadn’t been bad, per se.  All their enemies were defeated, and there was still a living population, and a Gotei 13, and there weren’t any more tyrants…but what ties did they have, there?

Tessai-san seems to skip over most of the story to discuss the kidou Kisuke had applied to his time machine, and the conversation quickly dissolves from there into calculations and suggestions and theoreticals.  Tessai-san also has a few ideas on how to return Ichigo to normal-sized, for all that his reiatsu has recovered.)

~IiI~

Ichigo, in full Hollow form, is not the best sight Shinji could’ve seen when he first came to, feeling like he’d been trampled by a hoard of Menos and then jumped upon for good measure, as if they were trying to see just how deep they could drive his body into the ground.

“The fuck?”

“Oh, hey Shinji.  Kisuke’s still asleep, Mashiro is awake, and everyone else looks like they’ll be coming around soon.”

Shinji blinked. “Tha’s nice.”

That’s not what he wanted to say, but it’s good information to know.  What he wants to know is why there is a tiny Hollow with a sword standing right next to his face, talking to him, and not going crazy.

So he asks, “Who the fuck are ya?”

“Ichigo.”

“’n ya know Urahara?”

Despite not really being able to see the Hollow’s eyes, Shinji gets the distinct impression he’s rolling them at him.

“Yeah.”

“How?”

“Time travel.”

“Right.”  Sure, it’s Urahara.  The Hollow could’ve said he knew Urahara and was actually an alien and Shinji wouldn’t have been all that surprised.

“Ya gonna try an’ eat us?”

The eye rolling feeling is back.  “No. I’m gonna teach you guys.  Can’t teach you if you’ve been eaten.”

“A’right then.” Shinji goes back to sleep.  Then maybe he’ll stop hurting and things’ll make more sense.

(They won’t, but he doesn’t know that yet, but seeing everyone else’s reactions to Ichigo will at least be entertaining.)

~IiI~

Ichigo is a taskmaster when it comes to training.  Urahara is worse and enables him.  Learning that the two of them learned Bankai in three days makes their expectations make so much more sense, even as the Vizards absolutely hate fighting the two of them together (for all that Ichigo is still 9 cm tall).

They’re still allowed to make fun of the two of them when Ichigo tends to fall asleep in Urahara’s sleeves, or hide in his shihakushou when they spar.

~IiI~

Somehow, the main office of the 5thdivision manages to go up in flames in the middle of the night.

No one knows who the arsonist was, as the fire was clearly started by an external force, given that a scorched and broken glass bottle was found in one of the rooms, but no one steps forward to make the claim.

Aizen finds a little red shield at the front gate, and the black cat washing itself in the bushes wishes she had a camera for the look of sheer outrage on the captain’s face.  It’ll have to be enough to tell Kisuke about it.

~IiI~

The first time any of them see Ichigo in one of Urahara’s gigai, he’s chatting Urahara up like they’re at a bar and not out grocery shopping.  Technically, none of them are supposed to be out and about, but considering they’ve got a second wind after getting their respective asses handed to them by Ichigo and Urahara this morning, and none of them have had any trouble with their Hollows for a month or so, they figure it’s probably safe enough to leave the safe house for an hour or so.  Besides, if they’ve been exiled to the Human Realm, they might as well see the sights and enjoy it.

“What the hell,” is Lisa’s comment to the person that’s cozying up to Urahara in front of the fish stand.  “I thought he was going grocery shopping not flirting and getting ready to get laid.”

“Being fair,” Love pointed out, “it looks more like the other person is flirting with him, rather than the other way around.  Also, Ichigo-san would probably have something to say about it, if Urahara started flirting with someone, especially since they left together this morning.”

Shinji’s only comment was, “Someone better have a camera, because Urahara is blushing.”

Hiyori decided that discretion is not the better part of valor, and stomped up to Urahara, ready to kick.

“The fuck’re you doing – ” is all she gets out, before being interrupted by the stranger.

“You know, I’ve missed being taller than you, shorty.”

Urahara slowly wandered away and pretended he doesn’t know any of them, before Hiyori exploded, “What did you say, you asshole?!”

The asshole in question smirked and repeated, “I said, ‘You know, I’ve missed being taller than you, shorty.’”

“Fucker – wait, Ichigo?”

Ichigo’s smirk widened. “Yep.”

“I’ll fucking kill you!”

The rest of the Vizards may or may not have gaped in shock at that revelation.  Except Mashiro, who apparently guessed.

“Berry-tan is the only one who can make Ki-chan go shopping and not get distracted, and Ki-chan wasn’t distracted.”

“Wasn’t distracted?” Lisa asked.  “If that wasn’t distracted, what the hell does distracted look like?”

“Probably fucking,” Hiyori pitched in.  Lisa’s glasses gleamed.

“Hiyori, you made a monster.”

“That fucker called me short.”

~IiI~

Aizen is kidnapped from the 5thdivision and placed in a containment cell as Urahara goes to town working on Aizen’s imperfect Hyogoku.

Ichigo takes great joy in sparring with the imprisoned shinigami, even if it’s only with fists, much to the Vizards’ collective jealousy.  Much to Aizen’s irritation, he can’t quite catch the tiny hybrid, even when he spars in a gigai and isn’t 9 cm tall.  It’s a new goal to strive for.

A spar with Aizen is their current motivation for working perfectly in sync with their Hollows and not giving into blood- or battle-lust when both of them are angry and in-sync.

Their motivation for re-learning to suppress their reiatsu is wandering around Karakura Town and exploring the Human World.

(Lisa’s is to catch Ichigo and Urahara kissing.  She manages it once.)

~IiI~

Ichigo comes back dragging a corpse one day.  No one comments on any vague similarity in looks they have, or that the body feels like it might’ve been a Quincy.

When a bunch of Quincy running the gamut from pissed off to confused show up at their doorstep, the Vizard decide that they probably need their own space.

Considering that a number of Arrancar join the Quincy in short order, the Vizard are very glad that their new house is on the opposite side of town.

It’s also a very good thing that Urahara has built his training basement to have different rooms, both for training and for living.

Additionally, very strong sekki seki walls, movie nights, curry, and no-weapon sparring help keep the chaos and attempted murder to a minimum.

~IiI~

Forty-seven years after arriving in the Human World, Ichigo is no longer stuck in his 9 cm tall Hollow form, Kurosaki Ichigo is born, Aizen is being rehabilitated, and Yhwach is dead, his soul erased.  The Soul King is another story, but everyone has ideas on how to solve that problem.

There’s no list of the people who survived in this timeline, no memo on how everything went wrong that they’ve righted.  But the world feels lighter, and there are now more voices, more minds, to set to the task of fixing existing wrongs.

(Kurosaki Ichigo “grows up” with a father, a mother, two younger sisters, a multitude of friends, and an even larger number of so-called uncles and aunts.  Even if they all had to deal with a slightly moping Urahara for a number of years.)

* * *

Kudos and comments welcome!

~Fins

**Author's Note:**

> Tesso the rat dude is such a fun painting/features in some really cool art. So you get rat!Aizen.
> 
> Also the title comes from a folktale about a really tiny samurai, who has a needle for a sword. Somehow the translation ends up as "Inch-high Samurai" hence the 9cm part, even if this isn't really only about Ichigo, and is basically never from his POV...oh well.


End file.
